Weekend. And other stuff.

So this past weekend was pretty decent. Julianna, Katelyn and I attended a youth group thing on Saturday. Considering that this is Ecuador, everything was in Spanish. When I first got to Ecuador I would try to listen to everything i could and try to figure out what people were saying, but after a while, my mind just kind of automatically started tuning things out when people were speaking Spanish. If I return t Ecuador, I WILL learn Spanish. It's no fun not knowing what people are talking about. Anyways, even though I couldn't understand people, I was still enjoying myself and they had a big bonfire which made the night even more enjoyable. Towards the end of the night, Julianna, Katelyn and I started talking to a few people in the youth group, and they talked in English the whole time so I could understand them, it was great (:
 The next day, we went to church, and then after church, we had lunch at the house of a family from church. The last month or so, I've been doing the Daniels Fast. Up until Sunday afternoon, I hadn't broken the fast at all. I didn't want to be rude though, so I ate what the family was serving. It was pretty good, but I realized that I don't miss "normal" food as much as I thought I did, and I also had a horrible stomach ache after eating it, so we'll see what happens with my eating habits once the fast is over next Monday. We then spent the rest of the afternoon playing ultimate spoons. Which is def one of the best games ever. I don't care how lame that makes me.
 We then headed home, and I had a wonderful fruit smoothie to try and make my stomach feel better.

So I leave Ecuador in eight days. I can definately say that I am so so in love with Ecuador. I am very excited to get home though. I finally feel like I've accomplished what I was supposed to here and I can return home. I have to fly all day next tuesday and I am not looking forward to that. Especially the six hours I have to spend in the freezing cold Miami Airport. I really really dislike that place. But my Mom and my sister are making the three hour drive to Denver to pick me up. Then, I get to stay at my sister's house that night and then paint a back drop for some concert thing the next day. I am so stoked. I've missed everyone in Colorado so much, and especially my twin sister. You guys seriously need to get yourself a twin. Best thing ever.

Well I get to spend my last eight days going to orphanage, going to a soccer game, making some amazing oreo BTS cake and going to the beach one last time so I can be darker than all you pale Colorado people ;) Just kidding about the being dark part. I'll always be pale *sigh*

(Yeah this is seriously where I get t stay at the beach. Be jealous)

Don't you realize?

It's time to get out of your comfy church seat and away from all the comfy "christians" around you and get out into the world and actually help people!

"Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains in ruins?" Haggai 1:4

I would love you with all of my heart, but I've already given some parts of it away

 So yesterday, I recieved a message from a guy I dated over a year ago. It doesn't matter what the entire message said, but at one part he mentioned how he was still bitter over a lot of things. That really got me thinking about the real damage that relationships cause. Relationships have been a big topic on my mind lately, and if you know anything about my life, then you know that, but that message just really hit home for me.
 What is the point of relationships really? I remember being in the end of my 8th grade year and being so excited that I was soon going to be in high school, because it seemed like everyone in high school had a boyfriend. Looking back now, I wish I could have slapped 14 year old me. Why was I so excited to have a boyfriend? I've always had self esteem issues and I know that was a big part of it. I also felt like I was the last girl in the world that hadn't really dated anyone, and I just thought it made someone "cooler" when they had a significant other. Over the four years of highschool and the one year I've been out of high school, I dated 7 guys. But what did I really gain from these relationships? I ended up getting hurt, I hurt people, I hurt friendships, I completely lost focus on God at one point, I dealt with depression and other issues, I pushed my family away, I wasted time, money, emotions and much more. Does that sound like fun to you? No? Then why does everyone think that dating is such an amazing thing? I can say that thankfully I do have a friendship with my most recent boyfriend, But why couldn't all of these relationships just be friendships? If I would have done that, I would have seen early on that those relationships were not God's plan.
 A big problem we have is that people are incredibly selfish. We are always trying to please ourselves. Why else would we get into relationships? We want our physical or emotional needs filled. But how many times do we actually think about the other person involved? How is this relationship going to effect this persons life, time, emotions, relationship with God, relationship with friends and family, etc? We never think about those things.
 I think another problem people have is they think they need to "try out" a lot of people before they find "the one." I had a friend once that tell me that she believed that you need to kiss as many guys as possible and sleep with quite a few before you're married. Um really? I'm sorry but does no one realize that one day they could be married and you're going to have to look at your spouse and tell them the truth about your past? How is that going to make you feel? How is that going to make them feel? Why do people feel they need to "practice" before getting married? Joshua Harris in I Kissed Dating Goodbye makes a good point about dating. I'm not going to quote it exactly, but he says something along the lines that if you go from relationship to relationship so you can practice what it's going to be like to be in one that lasts forever (marriage) how are you going to last in marriage? It obviously shows that you can't commit. Why do you think so many marriages end in divorce these days?
 Another thing, when it comes to "practicing" the physical side of it. Like my former friend said, she felt that she needed to have a lot of physical experience before marriage. Why do people feel that way? Once you marry someone, you're going to have plenty of time to "practice," you're going to have the rest of your life actually.
 I also have a problem with people thinking that they "own" someone because they're dating them. How do you own them? God is the true owner of that person and I don't see a ring on their finger so they're not yours at all, sorry. This is why I believe that a relationship should go in an order similar to this: friendship, deeper friendship once you feel that that person could be the person you marry, engagment, marraige. To some people that may seem extreme, but when you think about it, what's so extreme about it? It's actually a lot less extreme than the world's view of dating. This way, there isn't a ton of wasted emotion and hurt. The friendship isn't about to get into anything more serious than that unless the two people feel that God has told them that they can move it in the direction of engagment.
 So going back to what the title says, I would just say to give the way you're dating more thought. When you one day say "I love you will all of my heart" to your spouse, how much of your heart are you actually going to be able to give them?

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On a kind of related note, God has recently spoken to me that he wants me to be single (which is why i very recently became single) and I am stoked about this. I just know that God has some awesome plans for me in the future and I know I can't do these things unless I have my full attention on God. God has already done AMAZING things in my life and I'm stoked for the future!

Today

Today was a good day and this is why:
-It was sunny enough to wear shorts! Even though I still have bug bites completely covering my legs
-I attempted to make oatmeal for the second time, and actually succeeded. It was amazing
-I got to have a nice conversation with my sister and most of the refuge girls over skype
-I decided to wear make up today for the first time in a long time, just for the heck of it
-I mopped the kitchen. Clean floors just make me a happier person
-I watched despicable me for the first time and loved it
-I had left overs from my dinner last night so I didn't have to do any cooking today
-I went to the orphanage today!
-I was finally able to meet the special needs kids there and take a walk with them. That seriously made me so happy
-I got to spend time with my favorite little baby at the orphanage and he was all smiles the whole time!
-I got some great stuff outta the good book today as soon as I woke up
-I'm just in a good mood
-I'm usually always in a good mood here though. Ecuador is truly amazing, and so is the wonderful life that God has blessed me with

(:

Shell

 So this last weekend, I was lucky enough to be able to travel with Katelyn, Julianna and Mrs. Shedd to the town of Shell near the jungle. I first went to Shell back in the beginning of January and I fell in love with it. It's a cute little town and it doesn't have danger like Quito does, which I love. It's nice to walk down the street and not really have to worry about being robbed. Also, Casa de Fe is located, an orphanage, is located in Shell. I love that orphanage so much. There's just something different than For His Children about it and I just love being there.
 While we were there we stayed in a little apartment a couple miles from the orphanage. It was the cutest little apartment. I could have easily lived there, and we were able to stay there for free! It had wood panels on the walls and I just fell in love. The features of houses that people usually find out of date and ugly, I usually fall in love with.
 Our first evening there, we got settled into the apartment, had some dinner, drove around town a little bit and then headed to bed. The next day Katelyn, Julianna and I walked to the orphanage at about 9am. It was so amazing to see the kids again. There were all so happy to have people there that held them and gave them love and played with them. Unlike For his Children, whose mission is to get kids adopted by the time they are 2 or 3 I believe? Casa de Fe is more focused on giving the kids the skills they will need in order to be able to go to college or just survive in the world. Knowing that makes it pretty sad when you look at all the children there and realizing that they will probably live in the orphanage until they're old enough to be on their own. It is a very wonderful orphanage and the kids all seem very happy, but it just makes me sad when I think about how spoiled I've been with my family. I have awesome parents, and even awesome step parents, amazing siblings and amazing step siblings. I've had people that I could call Mom and Dad and know that they will always be there for me. It really just breaks my heart that I have so so much in my life, and these kids probably won't get that. A lot of the children there either have a mental or physical handicap. Most of the children are from villages in the jungle and if you have a child that have one of these issues then it means that the child is cursed, it will curse the whole village and it must be killed. Because of this, most kids are just abandoned and that's how they end up at the orphanage.
 While I was there, I met a little girl named Lucita (That's probably spelled wrong, I'm sorry). She is about three years old I'm guessing and she's missing a foot, her left hand only has a thumb and she has scars all over her body. I really fell in love with this girl and she fell in love with me. She wouldn't let me leave her side for the two days I was there. She was one of the most determined little girls I have ever met. When we would sit on the ground, she would always crawl off of my lap, grab my shoulder for support and then try her hardest to stand up straight. Everytime she was able to get herself to a standing position she would call out for the tias or anyone around to look at her. When they would, she would get a huge smile on her face and then collapse into my lap. It was such an amazing thing to see. She was very persistant on doing everything herself like reading a book and turning the pages by herself, using the bathroom without any help, and crawling into my lap by herself. It was hard saying goodbye to her. I picked her and and said I was leaving and she gave me a huge kiss on the cheek. That brought me close to tears.
 While I was there I was able to hold, play with, tickle, hug and kiss so many amazing children. One little baby, probably about 5 or 6 months old had the biggest and cutest smile I've ever seen. We were told that he was sick and to not hold him so we wouldn't get sick but I just couldn't help myself. I figured I wouldn't get sick so I held him a lot in those two days. And now I have a horrible cold, but it was definately worth it!
 This weekend Ecuador celebrated Carnival. Usually it consists of people throwing water at you, but apparently Shell does something a little different. On our way back to the apartment one day, we walked by a group of about 15 guys. There were yelling Hello! Carvival! and they were covered in black paint. We tried to ignore them but when we looked back, they were all charging towards us. They caught up to us and completely covered us in black paint. It was pretty scary, a little painful and they knocked off my glasses in the process. We then had to continue walking home covered in black paint. Along the way random people started laughing at us. It was definately worth the memory though! That would never happen in the States.  The next day they just threw water balloons at us which wasn't so bad.
 It really stinks that that was my last trip to Shell. I leave Ecuador in two weeks and I just can't believe it. The time here just flew by. It makes me really sad when I think about it too much. I am super excited to see my friends and family again but I just don't know how I'm going to be able to live in the States again. I've been showed a whole new world and going back to my old life would just be selfish. I know that God wants me in the States now though and I am really excited to see what he has planned for me. Hopefully I'm wise enough to listen to everything he tells me. That's what i've been trying to do so far and look where that got me (: I don't feel like this is my last time in Ecuador though which makes it easier to leave soon. This place is just so amazing. I can't just go home and forget about everything I've done and learned here.

 I was pretty positive I wasn't going to go to college. To me, going to college meant that I was going to have to have some career that I didn't really love just so I could make good money, and I really hate money. I would be happy with being poor. Then I realized that going to college didn't mean I would just be stuck in the states with some boring job. I have a heart for special needs kids and If I went to college and got a degree in special education, then I would be able to go to a place like Shell and actually be able to help children, not just visit for a couple days and then leave. I don't know if this is God's plan for me but last night all I dreamed about was being in Shell and helping those amazing kids. I guess we'll see what God's next step for me is.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
                                                          James 1:27

It's not very polite to pick favorites, but this little boy is my favorite. We like to call him the Asian Ecuadorian Sumo wrestler. I can't even express how much I love him. It's too bad they don't give children to broke 19 year olds, huh?