What is the point of relationships really? I remember being in the end of my 8th grade year and being so excited that I was soon going to be in high school, because it seemed like everyone in high school had a boyfriend. Looking back now, I wish I could have slapped 14 year old me. Why was I so excited to have a boyfriend? I've always had self esteem issues and I know that was a big part of it. I also felt like I was the last girl in the world that hadn't really dated anyone, and I just thought it made someone "cooler" when they had a significant other. Over the four years of highschool and the one year I've been out of high school, I dated 7 guys. But what did I really gain from these relationships? I ended up getting hurt, I hurt people, I hurt friendships, I completely lost focus on God at one point, I dealt with depression and other issues, I pushed my family away, I wasted time, money, emotions and much more. Does that sound like fun to you? No? Then why does everyone think that dating is such an amazing thing? I can say that thankfully I do have a friendship with my most recent boyfriend, But why couldn't all of these relationships just be friendships? If I would have done that, I would have seen early on that those relationships were not God's plan.
A big problem we have is that people are incredibly selfish. We are always trying to please ourselves. Why else would we get into relationships? We want our physical or emotional needs filled. But how many times do we actually think about the other person involved? How is this relationship going to effect this persons life, time, emotions, relationship with God, relationship with friends and family, etc? We never think about those things.
I think another problem people have is they think they need to "try out" a lot of people before they find "the one." I had a friend once that tell me that she believed that you need to kiss as many guys as possible and sleep with quite a few before you're married. Um really? I'm sorry but does no one realize that one day they could be married and you're going to have to look at your spouse and tell them the truth about your past? How is that going to make you feel? How is that going to make them feel? Why do people feel they need to "practice" before getting married? Joshua Harris in I Kissed Dating Goodbye makes a good point about dating. I'm not going to quote it exactly, but he says something along the lines that if you go from relationship to relationship so you can practice what it's going to be like to be in one that lasts forever (marriage) how are you going to last in marriage? It obviously shows that you can't commit. Why do you think so many marriages end in divorce these days?
Another thing, when it comes to "practicing" the physical side of it. Like my former friend said, she felt that she needed to have a lot of physical experience before marriage. Why do people feel that way? Once you marry someone, you're going to have plenty of time to "practice," you're going to have the rest of your life actually.
I also have a problem with people thinking that they "own" someone because they're dating them. How do you own them? God is the true owner of that person and I don't see a ring on their finger so they're not yours at all, sorry. This is why I believe that a relationship should go in an order similar to this: friendship, deeper friendship once you feel that that person could be the person you marry, engagment, marraige. To some people that may seem extreme, but when you think about it, what's so extreme about it? It's actually a lot less extreme than the world's view of dating. This way, there isn't a ton of wasted emotion and hurt. The friendship isn't about to get into anything more serious than that unless the two people feel that God has told them that they can move it in the direction of engagment.
So going back to what the title says, I would just say to give the way you're dating more thought. When you one day say "I love you will all of my heart" to your spouse, how much of your heart are you actually going to be able to give them?
On a kind of related note, God has recently spoken to me that he wants me to be single (which is why i very recently became single) and I am stoked about this. I just know that God has some awesome plans for me in the future and I know I can't do these things unless I have my full attention on God. God has already done AMAZING things in my life and I'm stoked for the future!
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