Saturday, January 15, 2011

Are you afraid of the dark?

I remember being about 12 years old. I was at Camp Lazy Acres, half way between Rye and San Isabel. I was there for a girl scout overnighter. I had been looking forward to it for a while.
I remember being completely happy, hanging out with friends, doing the normal girl scout activities, until I found out that we were going to have to go to bed soon. I wasn't unhappy because all of the fun was soon going to end, I was unhappy because there was a chance that I was going to have to sleep somewhere that was completely dark.
I started freaking out inside and tried to make myself seem calm and composed on the outside. After a while though, I couldn't hold it in and I began to cry.

I ended up making it through the night but this night always stands out to me as one of the nights that I was most afraid of the dark. I'm 19 years old now, but this fear of the dark still creeps in sometimes. Especially when I'm alone.
Last night was one of these nights where that fear came back.
I closed my eyes to go to sleep and it felt like I had only had my eyes closed for maybe a couple minutes. I don't really remember what exactly I dreamed about but I remember sitting up in bed, seeing a lot of black around me and trying desperately to make my bedside light come on. When I woke up completely my bedside light was on and I was sitting straight up in bed. My heart was racing, my body was shaking and I was completely terrified.
I wish I could remember what I dreamed about so it would be easier to convince myself that it wasn't real. Because of the dream I had last night, my fear of the dark is back a little bit and I'm really dreading going to sleep.
Knowing me, I'll be awake every hour or thirty minutes tonight since that's what always seems to happen if I feel afraid before I go to sleep. Also, I've had a decent amount of coffee today which could keep me up.
On nights like these I pray constantly and I'm hoping that will help a little bit.

4 comments:

  1. Sara...I'll pray for you as I go to bed. May you have sweet dreams.

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  2. Aww poor you. If it makes you feel any better sometimes I freak out if I can't get to sleep. Oh and also I have an extra night light if you want it??

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  3. You know, I think I might want it
    I guess I'll never grow up haha

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